Caaphi sir?

Every time some one has to go places or has to come back home he/she could always count on me and a couple of my pals. You see we liked to have coffee at so if theres a wait invovled theres a cuppa coffee involved. And India hasn’t yet been totally swarmed by the starbucks or the dunkin donuts yet thankfully because honestly no other coffee can beat the taste of the mysore/madras coffee or even the regular coffee machine coffee from India.

But not always was it for the coffee that we would go to drop someone or pick em up. It was also for the junta at the place. Ever been to the airport as a spectator. Its kind of fun to check out all the babes and the crowd that hangs around. Some Moms crying some, wives crying, some kids smiling some Dads with worried face, Some aunts hugging monty from UK and some tina from NJ smiling at her cousins and their friends wanting to date the amriki gal, some wives checking others lukkhas like us. Ok the last one never happened, how I wish, but rest of it all almost common emotions, new faces everytime commom emotions.

The last cuppa coffee that I enjoyed was 2 years back when I was at the airport makin my people cry and worried while me and friends were still checking out the crowd sipping coffee until I realised I had to check in. In about 4 months Ill try the piece de la resistance the coffee machine in India.

Barbershop

Really cool movie which inundates you with humor in every day life in a very realistic manner. Got some really funny no make that HILARIOUS moments and some excellent dialogue and dialogue delivery ... "my bad" or even "hook me up" also youll find a lot of quoted words in this post all inspired by the movie.

Unfortunately I have been able to visit barbershops which are more like the cost clippers or cost cutters kind. the KFCs of barbers.

But what still perplexes me is whats the worry with THICK HAIR ???

Ok before I start theres one more point to make I ve always been "hooked up" by ladies in the shop. now these ladies are some times like your mamma doing your hair and sometimes like your girlfriend wanting you to have a sexy look. But hey .. no one seems to bother bout me.

I've had ... some really funky no make that obscene, experiences with barbershops and barbers in India. hahaha .. dont even want to start with that.

So the first lady I had a cut with had some mexicans before me and they couldnt even speak english. The lady thinks Im Mexican too and the latters cousin waiting in the line to give the poor lady a real "bad ass" time. But she thanked me for speaking in englaisias. or watever the spaniards call it. Hers was the best haircut Ive had in a barbershop here.

Then was this lady who would make my ma look like she lets her sons have big hair. (which I had to fight for and had to be careful to sleep only after she slept) This lady just razed my head like her lawn and left me with a desert of a hairstyle. " ooooh look at you .... you have thick hair ... would I love to have hair like yours ( I was howling then ...for you should see my hair when they are real short ...they stand like their national anthems playing perennially).... wait lemme thin your hair"....next I remember I was alive and in the shower.

Then I decided to visit the McDs of barbershops and there the girl was some real young chick you'd ask out if you met outside. So I let her do my hair. And shes doing a good job at it until she goes to shave off my neck and for some reasons I asked her to let it be ... so this avril lavigne doesnt even trim the hair near that part !!!!

Finally I come back to the regular place. New person there ".. ooooh look at your hair ... you have thick hair .. wait lemme thin em ..." and before I could say .. n.... I have the horrendous Big fat "big ass" "bad ass" "MF" hair thinning scissors going through my hair.

I have thick hair ... wheres that sylvia of a joker??? I need to ask him/her

I have thick hair .... and fat stomach .. do you have a stomach thinning insturment too??

Note: I end up tipping all of them for being good to me. Because I know the bhaiyas at the corner hated when I would enter their shop and say "hook me up"

shrugged ???

So I got this pal who has some novels on his shelf .... I remember checking out some of the Ayn Rands with him . This once when he was visiting us and while my roomie went to drop off the dude in a rush I asked him to pass me atlas shrugged.
Now I dont know whether he just shrugged it off or what but next I know my roomie comes back with this book and asks me am i planning to go someplace?
I see the atlas in his hand.

Want to eat some chaat?

I’m sure everyone likes Bhel Puri and Pani Puri. I mean the whole Chaat thing. My Ma freaks on it, everytime I used to eat chaat I would pack some for my Ma. This once I forgot.

It was a regular Sunday. Mojo my pal had to pick his father from Kalyan railway station. I had nothing to do in those days, but let me say, “Weekend ko hum free thay!!” So I volutneered to be the navigator for mojos trip to kalyan. Ah coincidently our friend had put up at her friends place for the weekend to work on their project. Now let me speak a little about our friend. She had me going ga ga since the time we’ve met. So obviously mojo knows the chemistry and keeps on pulling legs. (Ha but mojo himself is still a dedh futya!) Uncle comes out with a lot of luggage mojo and me do the hamali get the luggage in the car. There she is at the station, ready to catch her train and go home. We coerce her into coming along with us and then we could drop her home. Poor gal agrees and comes. Mojos relentless legpulling session continues in the presence of his Dad. Don’t you guys think you’d rather be interested in knowing how your Dads journey, health, etc was? But no! it has to be the rear seat passengers who get all the unwanted limelight.

Allright so we drop uncle home. And we decide it better to take the rickshaw to the station. Now I know people might be asking wheres the chaat? Well there it was, some eatery right on the signal at which our rickshaw is stuck perenially. Pop the rick dude loses passengers faster than he could turn the meter on. We decided that the chaat place was more inviting. All three of us drop down the rick pay the dude some cash real quick and head for the chaat place before the signal turns green.

Now it seemed Mojo was on some sort of a high. He continued his inhumane act of belittling his friends by all sorts of kiddish and inane teasful comments. So the order comes. I and I guess even She decides it best to enjoy the Sev Batata Puri that’s in front of us and ignore mojos comments like the coriander that’s supposed to be garnish. As I am crunching into some dish this bhai sahab decides it best to go and pop a question I was warned should not come ever.

Ah well that’s a long story but lets say due to some unknown force field (like that in Independence Day) we werent supposed to think of being together. Not like I didn’t ever ask for it myself. I tried almost every day till I was made to realise that if the friendship has to continue there couldnt be the other ship. After that I decided to enjoy all the moments I was being offered at least as on a friendship basis and not talk about going ahead.

Back to the chaat house. My coriander almost flies out of the mouth when I hear him speak. And no it doesn’t stop at the question. It continues to be even more grotesque, he says “this be the final decision, if No then you guys don’t even need to be pals”. With the onion stuck in my teeth I went ballistic. But, have you ever seen a ballistic missile having to sit with its pants on fire? Well you guys missed it. I was caught in the dilemma of putting a lid to this guys trap but how can I speak with sev, onion and the whole garba in my mouth? Yes I wrote garba! Anyways forget issues like My life, My question, My line and timing. I had to deal with more realistic things now to assess the damage done and to talk after I finish the goddamn chaat in my mouth. Stuff settling in my stomach but almost my balls out in my mouth I start to say, “NO NO no such decisions okayed by me! You don’t give me a decision. Im fine with my life! I don’t want a decision. I am innocent!”

And she speaks “I guess I will give this a try, I have been thinking about it myself and I think it is true the feeling is mutual”. For a second I was still thinking shes asking mojo to shut his trap and go on with his life. But then my dumbwitted brain deciphers what it just heard. Broad whale smile on my face I turn around n look at her. Shes looking back and smiling at me. Now mojo couldve played some music, but he decides to laugh. I pay the tab. We decide to walk the way to the station. Im euphoric. I forget the chaat for my Ma. That was a couple of years back. Nice going sweetheart! Happy Anniversary.

Days dont go by

Plans never seem to work well ever. So yesterday I had a plan of faxing my HW to the Prof. but I end up clarifying one doubt with a colleague at work, and the chat goes on till late evening.

Next Im at home trying to finish off the homework, synchronising the .doc part of the hw with the realtime hard copy of the remaining part. But the damn Charter God decides to work his way off me probably for not respecting the Internet and logging on to yahoo for 3 - 4 days, i get punished. No internet. No synchronisation. No work done. Great plan so far.

So yesterday night finds me working hard on trying to get the last problem straight on paper.
Hit the sack at 1230. get up at 715 ( yeah late for a change). The Rains are now working on me. so even if I did get ready soon (staggering feat of brushing to dressing to cerealing in 15 mins) I have to wait for my pal with the car to pick me up.

All the while I figure out the last problem to put it on paper. get a rough draft ready. decide I dont need the textbook, will just scribble the whole thing on final draft and fax it first thing in the office. Come to office, am finally getting a chance to synchronise the whole draft. But hey how can you forget the meeting that was supposed to start in 15 mins. got involved in the meeting and after a whole hour and a half Finally get my hands on the hw again. In between I get to be an insensitive moron by totally neglecting the haalat of someone who cares for me no matter what.

yes now I have time to work on the HW. have to submit before 1 its already 1030. start finalising the draft when suddenly the number 3 pops up in an equation. generally I wouldnt refuse a 3 ;) but here !!!! where did the god damn 3 come from ??? So desparately cursed my dumb brain for thinking it best to let the textbook enjoy the heater on at home.

to make matters worse i get confused with the name of the person whose equation Im using. Barett's test and Bartlett's test. ( heres a pop quiz which one do you think is right?) forget getting confused I didnt even know the right one as I had the wrong one fixated in my brain even If i had to read the damn test book like a tibetian monk.

Ah well finally get the hw straight send the fax. And pop the reminder for the next meeting!!! And I was supposed to work for this in the morning. huh ?? where did the damn morning go?
skip goes the meal. never had a plan for it, though so doesnt make a difference. but generally I do read news, other blogs,gmail etc at that time, that too skipped.

the meeting goes on for a marathon 3 hours its not a marathon considering my meetings with my advisor in school where i had to stand for 5 hours straight at the board explaining things to my pals but heck no meal too !!!!

come back from the meeting to receive a mail from the TA stating my HWs due 17th FEB !!!! YEAH I KNOW !!! whatever u guys think its true!! well it so happens I qualify for the extra time as Im a distance student whereas regular students have to turn it in today. but hey why dont you mention it at least in the fine print , i have a habit of reading the fine prints of things in the loo. dont ask.

So after all this. While Im typing it and reliving the past 24 hrs I now need to update things from todays meeting for tomorrow .. haha 3 hrs of updates + 1 hr of editing before 12 tomorrow !! hahah nice. not to forget Im an alien so I cant stay on premises after 7.

And you think thats a day well over ? I still have to cook for 5 ppl in the evening !!!!

Christmas isnt all snowy in Australia.

Ganga Jamuna Saraswati

I wonder why bhaiyas arent the worlds best bartenders? I mean they regular mix milk and water and yet people buy it. (Ha in case you think you got cheated over milk, milk in America is thinner than vodka.) Ok so back to the main concern. I don’t know what phase was Mumbai going through but I suddenly noticed a growing population of these Juice Centers in and around every gully in Mumbai. It was as if the lords wanted every Mumbaikar to be healthy, loaded with juice and dozens of water borne diseases. So there you are, you have everything from Haji Ali to Durga to some bizzare out of the blue conceptual places selling juices. Now why you may ask did I think of the Bhaiya?

Well my pal mojo used to freak on some concoction called Ganga Jamuna. Now I am also aware that the whole world doesn’t know what a Mosambi is and I had known its angrezi naam but I forgot and this juice is made of Mosambi n Orange. But yesterday when I had to drink something from the fridge I found the innocuous Orange bottle with “Pulp Free” written on it, and besides the bottle were two bags of black n green grapes and apples. Now I decided this Pulpfree juice gotta be more Juicy and out came the knife to chop the apple. Seconds later the apple grapes and OJ found itself in a mixer ready to be blended to form the PULPY juice like concoction I was gonna call ganga jamuna saraswati. Until I realised that the Bhaiyas didn’t travel far south with their concoctions and people from Chyennai don’t know what a ganga jamuna or mosambi is. …

Update: And I thought Mumbai and the juice walas were the main concern.
Update Special: Manish Sreevastava a guy from Kalyan used to come to this class early in the morning n I used to ask him “aaj kalyan ko dudh nahi milega kya?” Heheh :P
No offenses meant to anyone. If you took any, no apologies offered.